I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
