I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
