Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Non-Jews are for practice
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
