My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
