Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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