this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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