You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
