why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
