he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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