I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
