Your face is a jimmy john
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
