oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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