Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
