hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
