I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
