Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
