Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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