If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize