Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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