suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
