he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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