Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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