I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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