my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize