Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
