Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
