we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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