I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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