You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
