kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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