I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
