hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
