I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize