When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
