i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
