Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
