your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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