Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
