i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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