She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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