this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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