Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
