It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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