some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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