I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
