GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
