I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
