I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
