remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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