I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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