I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
