So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
