I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
