It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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