he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
