there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
