the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
