I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
