I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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