I wish I could punch you in the face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
