Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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