She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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