Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
