Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
