so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
