I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
