Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
