Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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