I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
