if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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