I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
