this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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