"it" just moved
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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