Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
