I want to have your abortion
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize