I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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