I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
