Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
