I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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