I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
