So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
