Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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