I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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