Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
handjob tips. give me some.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
