fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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