Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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