just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
