All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
be right there i have to get my cape
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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