He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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