The maid of honor just puked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
