did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
