so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
