i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm always down for nudity.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
