he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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