Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
