my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it hurts more in the daytime
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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