Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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