my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
