Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
