ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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