I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
