too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
