im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
