well I can't set my house on fire every night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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