So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
