I want to make a zoo with you.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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