he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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