Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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